three little birds

I sat there staring out the window.  My nerves were in my throat and I had a HUGE throbbing in my head.  I made all the necessary phone calls; my sister, Pink, Roomie… all giving the “go ahead” that after 5 tests, I could indeed call Handsome with the news to sit down and take a deep breath…

“I am pregnant.”

I smiled as I told him over the phone…since he was in Tulsa and I was in Destin with the boys.  I knew that he needed to hear that smile with the news to keep him calm but also to let him know I was okay and this was meant to be in so many ways. In turn, I could tell he was choosing his words wisely; trying not to upset me with the same initial reaction I had since this was not planned in any way.  He told me this was okay and agreed that this was meant to be.  We accepted our belief that this was our plan, that in our hearts we knew our boys were our passion and the four of us certainly had enough love for each other to share and extend it to just one more.

As night fell, Man- child knew something was going on.  I was in my bedroom with the door closed and he could tell I was on the phone.  He is a smart cookie and always knows when I am not telling him the truth.  So I decided to tell him.  I could feel his temperature rise with his questioning of

“When will I know for sure?” 

He asked if I was okay, but again asking in a more direct tone

“Well are you pregnant or not, because I need to know”.

He started to cry.   I was taken aback by his reaction.  I asked him why he seemed so upset.

“I will not know the baby.  I will be gone to college when the baby is six years old.”

At this point, Endless Pit came in asking why his big brother was upset.  I decided that he deserved to know just as much as Man- Child for the time being. His reaction was wide-eyed and smiling, quietly asking

“You mean, I am going to be a big brother?” 

“Have you told Dad?” 

“What did he say?” 

“I can’t believe it”

…and so on.

The emotion was overwhelming.  I was so stunned that my oldest thought that far ahead so quickly and was so warmly moved at my little one’s excitement. I started getting a little weepy as I was still grasping at the whole concept myself.  I held them and let them know that this was a wonderful thing and everything was going to be okay. They still wanted the concrete answer.  I promised tomorrow morning I would know for sure (yes, that would be the 6th test).

That night, I remember sleeping on my left side holding on to my abdomen.  I knew I did not have to, but I was going to do everything in my power to see this blessing through knowing that indeed, at 40 and checking a few more factors on my checklist, I was a member of the high risk pregnancy category. I remember praying for peace that night and delivering gratitude for the happiness and adventure that was about to enter our lives as a family once again.

Morning came and indeed, it was a “plus” sign in bright blue.

I came out of my bedroom as two boys were staring at me to deliver the final answer.  I made the announcement with a huge sigh and a smile the size of Texas as they ran up and gave me a big hug, then turning to embrace each other. We all came down a bit when Endless Pit said

“I wish Daddy was here to be a part of this.”

So they called Handsome.  We re-hashed the news of how we were all pleasantly shocked and excited with it. We could not believe there was going to be a baby in this house of four.   I made a call to my mom and dad, my brothers and texted some close friends.  I’ll never forget one in particular; who assured me in so many words, that this was truly a miracle…a very happy moment…and every little thing was going to be alright.

Indeed…My Three Little Birds. :  )